Thine Own Self
by Elvensong
Summary: A message containing only the words 'I know who you really are' sends Erestor into a quest to finally learn about his past and a conspiracy to keep a great truth hidden from him.
1. Chapter One

Thine Own Self

And since you know you cannot see yourself,  
so well as by reflection, I, your glass,  
will modestly discover to yourself,  
that of yourself which you yet know not of.

**William Shakespeare**

Chapter 1

The setting sun cast its beautiful dying light across the elven house of Imladris. Trees swayed in the gentle breezes that took off their brown and dried leaves, scattering them upon the land below. As the elves became fewer, so did the leaves of the trees. Imladris was in the autumn of its existence, though those who remained still lived life as they always had.

In the open courts, elves began to gather for evening social activities. Dinner, music and stories would be indulged in through the night. All but one would be in attendance. 

If someone had told him that with each promotion the workload increases Erestor might not have sought the highest position to Lord Elrond of Imladris. Especially late at night when the Chief Advisor could not see the wood that made his desk under all the paperwork to be completed. There were contracts to be officially drawn up, work from his staff to be proofread and approved and, worst of all, communications to be read. That was always the job he delayed doing. Lands, elven, mortal and even dwarves, would send and request information from the high elf Lord of Imladris. 

'Would you be interested in buying?', 'My lovely daughter seeks to study with', 'The harvest has been slim, could you please?' more and more always piled up no matter how long Erestor would spend working on them. Elrond himself got sick of the endless banter and had the wonderful notion to give it to his Advisor to organize. Only that of most import went to Elrond, the rest received a courteous reply with Erestor's emblem in the bottom corner as small as possible in hopes to escape detection. 

Erestor learned quickly that only those of military topics would go to Elrond and even then, they were quickly passed to his Chief Military Advisor Glorfindel. 

The candles were burning low in the night without the dark haired elf even realizing it. His major fault was that once he got into his work, everything else would not be paid attention to. Even eating and sleeping were put on hold if Erestor were engrossed in a task at hand. 

As he made his way through the communications and scrolls, one caught his eye. The only reason it did was because it did not contain on it the greeting: Lord Elrond of Imladris, but something else completely. 

It contained his name. 

It was quite odd. No one ever wrote to Elrond's advisor, though most knew that was who was going to be reading their words. Quite confused by this enigma, the dark haired elf read the words in flowing script. However, this did not alleviate any of his confusion. Staring down at the parchment, he hoped to see something he hadn't before, but the words did not change. 

~Erestor,

I know who you really are.~

Nothing more. No clue as to the sender or the meaning. 

"Erestor?"

Startled, the advisor looked up from the words to see Glorfindel standing in his doorway. He grew concerned when he saw the jumpy and upset look in Erestor's eye.

"Is there bad news, my friend?"

"No, Glorfindel. I guess I got so lost in my work I didn't hear your arrival." Those words were enough to satisfy the blond warrior, as it was often that Erestor would become lost in his many duties. "Was there something you wished of me?"

"No, Erestor, I've only come to tell you that dinner was served about an hour ago and if you do not come down fast you will go to bed hungry tonight. That is, if you can even tear yourself away from your desk to go to bed."

Erestor nodded remotely. It was clear to Glorfindel that the scribe was not even paying attention to him. "You know, Erestor, Elrond has decided it fitting that all dark haired elves dye their hair blond so they can somewhat compare to the truly fair elves of Imladris."

Again came a distant nod, "Really." 

Glorfindel shook his head and decided this was a losing battle and took his leave. Erestor didn't even notice his going. All he could focus on were the words: I know who you really are.

His thoughts were of fear, but he couldn't help but feel some longing too. 

'You say you know who I am,' Erestor thought, 'I can only hope it is true for I myself do not know that answer.'

*****

"Erestor's in one of his moods." Glorfindel said as he slid into the chair by the fireplace. Elrond currently occupied the other one as he gazed into the dancing flames. 

"Oh yes?" Elrond replied, "That's not too uncommon. He gets very quiet and drawn in on himself every so often. It's all part of who he is." The Lord swirled the dark wine in his goblet in contemplation. 

Glorfindel was not satisfied with the response. He had been friends with Erestor for a long time, but still felt that he really didn't know the elf. Every time he tried to find out some personal information about the advisor, he would come away with nothing. All he knew was that he worked himself to the bone, had about two centuries of vacation time built up, but seemed to enjoy his job all the same. 

"How long has Erestor lived in Imladris?"

"Why not ask him yourself?" Came Elrond's reply.

"Because I wish to hear it from your point of view, Elrond."

Elrond raised his eyebrows, but gave in to his friend's inquiry. "He has been here since the beginning. It was a long time ago now that I decided to leave the Land of Lindon to establish Imladris."

~Flashback~

"Are you sure I cannot persuade you to stay?"

"Aye, Cirdan, I believe it is time for me to found my own land. I have felt the calling for a great numbers of years."

Elrond was finally leaving to forge a new elven haven and his friend could not stop his leaving for another age. 

Gazing into his friend's eyes, Cirdan knew his mind was set. "I know never to challenge you once you've made a decision. Best of luck to you, Elrond of Imladris."

Elrond smiled, having been addressed in that manner for the very first time. 

It was late morning when Elrond and his companions ventured out into the woods to discover a new land where all elves could learn and grow. A place of sanctuary and peace in an ever increasingly violent world. 

'Imladris' Elrond thought to himself to eager anticipation, 'The Last Homely House.'

Already great sadness was to be found along the trail. They were told not to head down the main roads because a lost child had just been attacked and killed by creatures of the wood. Nodding quietly, Elrond and his group headed down a small path that was rarely used. 

They were not far in their journey when Elrond heard a very odd sound for the middle of the woods. A quiet sobbing with vain attempts by the being to stifle them. However, the ears of an elf are too sensitive to miss a child's cry and soon Elrond was off his horse to investigate. It was not long before he located the source of the noise.

Among a thicket a leaves was a small elven child, very young indeed. Much too small to be alone in the wilderness with nothing but the thin clothes on his back. 

Beneath an uncombed array of midnight black hair, two large equally deep eyes peered out. Apprehension was the main emotion here, this little elf had no idea what to expect from this strange visitor.

"What is your name?" Elrond asked.

Silence. 

"How is it you're here alone?" 

Silence.

Elrond sighed, the child was dirty and a little too thin that spoke of hunger, but not yet starvation. The child had been out alone in the woods for a few days, but not long enough to begin to die from lack of food. 

"Come on." He extended his hand to the child. "I have just the place to take you. You can be the first wayward citizen of a new land." Their eyes locked and slowly, a tiny hand was placed in Elrond's own. For some reason, the youngling decided this elf was worth trusting, besides, what other option was there.

Standing together in the field, Elrond thought he heard a quiet word.

"What was that, little one?"

"You asked my name." The dark child said, "My name is Erestor."

~End Flashback~


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two

Cirdan the Shipwright was master of the Grey Havens and one of the most powerful elves that yet lived. It was believed by most that he had awoken with the elves in the beginning of the first age, but he would never confirm such a rumor. Needless to say, this being was ancient. Floating nearby was his most beautiful work, the white ship for the ring-bearer. 

This day was beautiful, with the sun setting into the west as always. Lighting a path in the water to that place of final peace promised to all elves who made the final journey to its shores. 

It was during this beautiful sunset that a form appeared around the corner of his shop. Currently in front of him was a carving he was working on for the front decorations of one of his beautiful creations and he did not take his eye from it to see who it was. Many would stop by to see the master craftsman at work. 

The elf came forward with a silence only possible from one of their kind. She looked over his form as he worked and knew the agony he had long suffered from a mistake made long ago.

"Cirdan." She spoke.

His head raised immediately, recognizing that voice. All of that long lifespan left plenty to contemplate over, past mistakes and victories were relived in his mind. Though there was one mistake that haunted him more than any other. Over and over it would repeat in his mind until he would think himself going mad. Then as quickly as it had come, the images would flee with the spring breezes. Her voice sparked those images more brightly than they had been for an age.

"You are sailing west?" He asked.

She nodded but spoke nothing more. Dust from traveling was on her robes, she had just arrived and went to see him first thing.

"Perhaps all of this can finally come to an end."

The woman smiled and shook her head. "It is far from over, Cirdan."

Confusion spread over his face.

"Cirdan," she came closer to him to whisper the words to him, "the child is alive."

He thought about it, then the full meaning washed over him like the tides over worn rocks.

"How do you know this? Where is the child?" he asked with the utmost urgency.

She turned to leave only glancing over her shoulder before departing, "Perhaps it is time for you to see an old friend."

With that, she was gone and Cirdan was alone.

'Could it be?' he thought, 'Could I have a chance to fix the most damning thing I have ever done?'

~flashback~

There are many points in history where even those most innocent must pay the highest price. Doubt ever gnawed at him, but he suppressed it and would not let it get the better of him. 

Sitting on a stone bench in Lindon, Cirdan watched the other present there from a distance. There was no way anyone could know the dangerous secret Cirdan kept hidden. No one would question him for he was the new Lord of the Elves west of the Blue Mountains. Elrond was leaving tomorrow to form a new realm plus he did not suspect a thing, none did.

He had done something unforgivable and in his own mind he knew that if he were to be found out, he would be punished in the worst ways of the firstborn. The only clue to his foul deeds was drawing in the sand of the gardens. A child, all of his misery and paranoia was focused around a child who had no idea of the circumstances that surrounded him. 

Slowly, Cirdan rose and crossed the paths to see what it was that had captured the young one's attention. 

It was letters.

He was just to the point of seeing his first picture books, but was completely uninterested in the pictures themselves but the flowing script underneath the animal and bird images. This young one was fascinated by written words, and without any formal training, he had drawn quite a few of them in the dirt, all very precise with perfect inflection and detail. No doubt there was something special about this child, but that much Cirdan already knew. 

"What are you doing, child?"

"Writing!" he replied with enthusiasm only found in the very young. 

"Yes, I see that." Cirdan began to feel better about having this child in his watch care. Perhaps evil could be undone by good deeds. 

It was the next thing the child did that doomed him instantly in his elder's eyes.

He peered up at him from his place on the ground.

'Those eyes!' Screamed Cirdan in his mind, 'He has his eyes!'

Cirdan cleared his throat and knew what had to be done. 

"Erestor. I've noticed some errors in your letters."

The child looked up at him with a questioning look. "I don't understand." He asked innocently.

"Come with me."

It was in the evening that Cirdan rode into the woods with the child. That was the night he placed Erestor into the woods and told him never to return until he could write properly for elves were perfect in every way.

In the dark of the woods, Cirdan cried, for the first time in centuries. He could not force himself to look back but could imagine the fear in the child's heart as the hoof beats got softer and softer and his benefactor rode off leaving him alone in the dark.

~end flashback~

Cirdan shivered from the memory. He remembered the events afterwards as well. Remembered two days later when the guilt finally overcame everything else in all his being and he rode out into the woods to bring the child back, to tell him he had made a mistake and that he was an elf worthy to be raised in his halls.

~flashback~

The black horse raced out into the woods. Even the horse knew this was very important and took the path they had taken without guidance. Finally, he could see the area where he had veered off the path on that terrible night. 

His journey did not take him very far when he saw a group of elves in the area. Riding over, he thought they might have seen something. 

"My Lord." A guard exclaimed, "I was not expecting you to be here."

"I was out riding and surveying my lands when I observed you off the trial." He lied. 

The guard bowed, "Of course, Lord Cirdan."

"What has happened?" 

"A terrible thing, My Lord," the elf replied with a hallow look in his eye. "A child has wondered out here from a village nearby and was killed by wolves. It is terrible for one so young to be taken."

Cirdan felt as if Mandos himself had squeezed the life out of him, he did not mean for this to happen. It was a rash decision! He would have made it up to the child! 

What had he done! 

Stumbling, Cirdan returned to his horse and blindly rode away, not answering to the guard's calls. What would his dear friend say to him if he knew?

The Lord didn't stay long enough in the camp to see the distraught parents of the child appear. Didn't stay long enough to know it was not his protectorate that had been killed so brutally. 

~end flashback~

The ships would have to wait. Cirdan the Shipwright was leaving to find the one he had betrayed in so many ways so very long ago. 


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter 3

Erestor grabbed another fresh sheet of parchment. This was his third attempt at writing the official record for the library, but one of the curves in a letter was slightly off and Erestor wanted to correct it. Ever since he was very small, the Advisor had been detail orientated almost to a fault. His scripts had to be perfect, every one, no matter their import. Even basic memos and communications were sometimes given numerous run-throughs. 

So engrossed was he in his work that he did not hear the soft footsteps of someone approaching.

"Erestor!" 

The Advisor almost stabbed the pen through the paper but was lucky enough to have stilled his arm. The twins loved playing with their old tutor, even though they were full-grown, because Erestor could be fun when bothered while working.

"Elladan, is there something you need?" The older twin frowned; unfortunately, their tutor was also one of the few elves that could easily tell them apart.

"No, teacher, I've just come to see what you are doing." 

It was Erestor's turn to frown; his young students never visited anyone 'just to see what they were doing'.

"What do you expect, young one? I am working. Don't you also have some task to perform?" The dark elf kept his eyes open for this one's twin, he knew Elrohir had to be around here somewhere if Elladan was standing in front of him.

Elladan smiled, "No, I have finished my training for the morning and was going to get some lunch. Would you like to come?"

"No, thank you. I've got some items I'm right in the middle of and would like to see them finished before stopping." To the Advisor, it felt as if he had just sat down, how was it lunchtime already?

Elrond's son sat on the edge of the desk, "I only came to ask you because the cooks have been spending all morning in the fields, the raspberries are ripe and I know they're your favorite." Erestor's eyes lifted, that wonderful little fruit was his most loved food and only in season for a short amount of time. It was one of the few things that could make him rise from his desk, that and perhaps Imladris catching on fire, but he would still have to think about getting up. 

Staring down at his half finished work, he decided, against his better judgment, to go with Elladan. 

"Where is your brother?"

"I don't know, do you think we always spend every moment together? I have my own life to live, as does he. Now, let's go."

******

The final journey was laid out before her. Perhaps, finally, she would be able to go there with piece of mind, with a sense that she had completed her greatest task. 

From the moment she saw him in Imladris she knew who he was. She could never mistake their son for any other elf. Upon his mother's death she had vowed to protect him and she had lost him in a day. After one day alone he was swept from her and taken into the Lord's care. It was but days later when she learned he had died. It was said that he had died from an orc attack on the Lord's chambers, but it was widely whispered in dark corners that he had died alone in the woods. Cast off by Cirdan for reasons unknown.

She did not doubt those rumors for one moment. She knew he had killed the child, murdered him at the first opportunity. She would never find out he had not, that it was all an accident drawn out of desperation and fear of a new Lord threatened by a doubt and a flicker of things past. 

The note with no name that she had sent Erestor, she could only hope it would open up the great question in his eyes once more and make him ready for what he was about to be told. Telling Cirdan the child lived was beginning a great spiral that would lead to their meeting and the final telling of the truth. 

The elven midwife boarded the ship with a smile. Maybe one day she would see her lady's son again and she could tell him of his wonderful birth on that stormy day.

******

This year, the raspberries had been especially sweet and Erestor returned to his work actually in a very pleasant mood. For but a few passing moments, the thought of who he really was had retreated into the back of his mind. 

First, he looked around the study, checking on his scrolls and books. Elrohir had to have come through here. 

They all appeared to be in their correct places. 

'So, they are growing sneakier.' He thought to himself. Looking in his desk, he found no critters, snakes, or anything else that shouldn't be there. 'Perhaps they only wish to make me paranoid, maybe they're watching me and enjoying my futile search.' His thoughts raced.

Finally, he sat down at his desk and grabbed another sheet of parchment. A memo to the structural engineers pertaining to a problem with the retaining wall on the east side needed immediate attention. Picking up his quill, he began to form the beautiful letters of his immaculate handwriting. 

He stopped. 

He wrote a few more words before stopping again. 

Sighing he sat back.

Grabbing another piece of parchment he wrote a memo to go to his Lord before all others.

It needed to be explained why all of Imladris' communications this day were in pink ink.

******

Urging his horse faster, Cirdan could only see his destination, his redemption, in front of him. What he would do now may not forgive his past sins, but might only put a little peace into his shattered heart. Such evil there was around him, it clung like a cold fog forever blurring the outlook to the rest of his life. Perhaps now, some of that fog would burn off in a light of confession. Telling the one who had been betrayed so many times by him all that had happened. 

He was so drawn up in his thoughts he almost ran over a figure in front of him on the road. The horse reared back and Cirdan swore that being had appeared out of thin air. 

"Please move!" The elf begged of his intruder.

A white hood was lowered and Cirdan gasped in surprise. 

"Surprised to see me, old friend?"

"Mithrandir!" Cirdan exclaimed, "Why are you here? Please, do not prevent me my task." He jumped from his horse to stride purposefully to the Wizard.

The White Wizard gave Cirdan the questioning look for which he was famous, "Stop you?" He inquired, "No, Cirdan, I am here to aide you with your quest."


	4. Chapter Four

Chapter Four

"That's it my little one, come on, you have the wonderful balance of your race." A smiling face peered at him, "Just a few more steps and you will have done it!"

~End Flashback~

Erestor shook his head; images of his mother haunted his thoughts. In between his fingers was the note that had begun all of this and he rubbed the parchment hoping to get more contact with whoever sent it. Recently, his thoughts began to turn to his mother and those few short years he had with her before he was taken away. 

~Flashback~

The sun shone brightly down in the gardens of Lindon and a small child sat oblivious to all around him except for the oversized coloring stick in his hand and the parchment on the ground in front of him. He was working on his current masterpiece.

"What is that, Baby?"

Small dark eyes glanced up at her with a look of astonishment that she couldn't tell, "Why, Nana, that is a songbird in a tree!"

She smiled and kissed him on his head, feeling the heat absorbed in the black hair. "Of course, how foolish of me, what else could that possibly be?" He smiled proudly and returned to his drawing.

The elf maid who lived with them entered the courtyard.

"My Lady, you have a visitor." She nodded. They were not a wealthy family and lived in near seclusion on the edge of the lands, but yet they had a full time maid attending to them day and night. Her presence was as familiar as his mother's for she had been there assisting his mother since and before his birth. This did not seem odd to him, though most other household of their standing would never be able to have such a luxury.

Visitor's came quite rarely and even Erestor at his small age thought it odd that someone would come to them, but took no more time to contemplate it and return to his art. 

"I'll be right back, my love." She called.

He nodded without looking up. 

~End Flashback~

If only he had known at that time that he would never see his mother again, but he was small and death was something completely unfamiliar. 

Erestor regretted that final exchange for every moment since, wishing he had told her he loved her or at the very least raised his eyes to take in her form one last time. He had her pale skin and dark hair. She was also very slim as he is. When Erestor would close his eyes he could still see her face smiling at him and her eyes, so different from his, shining with love. 

It was the next day that the nightmare was to begin.

~Flashback~

The next morning already dawned hot and the small child went down the stairs of their small house looking for breakfast. When he arrived at the kitchens there were no smells of breads cooking but only a large elf sitting at their table looking completely out of place. His grand robes and ornaments were more fitting for a great hall. Erestor stopped in his tracks. 

"You must come with me, child."

"Why?" Erestor questioned, this was his home, where else could be possible live.

The elf stood, towering over the child. "Your mother has died, Erestor. You must come with me now and live in the palace halls." He stooped down to come closer to the child's fearful face, "I know you don't understand, but this you must do. I am Cirdan and Lord of the elves of this land. I am your guardian now."

No more words were spoken as the maid gathered the child's few possessions together. As he was swept away from all he knew into the world or turned his head back to look at his house and the maid standing next to it as they got smaller. He would never see either of them again. 

~End flashback~

Elrond sat at this beautiful next overlooking Imladris as he organized his paperwork. He rarely did this himself since Erestor took care of almost everything in the land, but he forced his Advisor to take the afternoon off. The black elf seemed so upset and distracted Elrond knew he needed some time alone to think on things and not have to worry about work for once. 

From this vantage point he could see all the trails leading to his house and from this view was where he stopped a riding bearing towards him with all haste. 

The Lord of Imladris is a wise elf with powerful foresight, but even he did not expect this guest. An old friend from long ago, recognized from quite a distance. 

"Cirdan!" Elrond exclaimed as he ran down to stairs to his friend who was dismounting quickly. 

"Elrond, it has been so long, I am in desperate need of your help." Cirdan spoke quickly, not wasting any time with pleasantries even though they had been the closest of friends.

"Of course," Elrond replied, "how can I help you?"

Eyes glancing everywhere as though searching Cirdan spoke, "I seek an elf who lives here. He was but a child when you came here. I had thought him dead long ago, but I've heard he yet lives."

"Many elves came here as children."

"His name is Erestor."

Elrond could not have imaged a name that would have shocked him more. "Erestor? What could your business with him possibly be?"

"I knew his parents. I have come to tell him of his past, of what happened to his family and how it came to be that he was cast off."

******

A door was approached, slowly, quietly. With shaking hands an elf knocked upon it waiting for the reply.

A voice responded, "Come in."

Cirdan entered the room alone, opening the door and shutting it without making a noise.

Erestor rose. He could never forget his guardian, the one who had taken him from his home and sent him away only a short time later. 

"My Lord." Erestor whispered, his voice harsh with fear.

The older one lifted his eyes to look upon the child. The hair black as night, his mother's fine hands, and finally, painfully, his father's eyes, everything was how he remembered.

"Erestor." Cirdan spoke. "I have come to," his mind, his thoughts were failing him, "to confess all and beg your forgiveness."

"Confess." Erestor said, "You know all that happened all those years ago, you sent me the note."

The Shipwright shook his head, "I did not, it was your mother's servant who did, she wanted you to know the truth, she told me you were alive." He actually felt tears coming to his eyes, he had not cried since that day in the woods, "I thought you were dead, Erestor. Believe me, I went into those woods to reclaim you, but was told you were dead."

"The truth?"

"About everything, child. You need to know all." Cirdan said, neither one of them ever raising their voices above a whisper. 

Erestor stepped forward he could not tear his eyes away, he could not blink for fear Cirdan would be gone and he would once again be thrown into the pit of ignorance with no way out. 

Cirdan sniffed back the tears, "I betrayed everything that was entrusted to me, I became greedy when I took power. You were the greatest threat."

Cirdan raised his eyes and stared into Erestor's, "You are the greatest secret of our kind."

"Why?" Erestor asked, shaking with fear at what would be spoken.

The Lord walked forward to close the gap between them, so that this could be said.

"You are Gil-Galad's son."

His legs nearly failed him almost sending him onto the floor.

His old guardian continued, "Now I am going to tell you that which has been kept from you for the whole of your life. When I finish with this story, there is much to be done. It began many years ago when a dear friend told me of a secret romance."

~Flashback~


	5. Chapter Five

I wish to you all a happy Easter. May many bunnies, both plot and chocolate, come knocking on your door. 

Chapter Five:

Gil-Galad, high King of the Elves, was a just and fair king, but most of all; he was a dear friend to many. Closest to his heart was Cirdan. Together they had gone on many adventures and Cirdan would follow his Lord into certain death if Gil-Galad only suggested it.

It was not to be this night that such important orders were to be given; tonight was a night of relaxation. The elves knew peace this night, if only for a moment, and two friends knew a bottle of fine wine in front of a giant fireplace. 

"Your mind is troubled tonight, My King. Please, share your burden with me. Perhaps it will help."

The King smiled gently at his friend. The firelight added red to his dark hair and deep eyes, "Some troubles cannot be lessened if shared." He sighed and peered once more into the flames so deeply as if they held answers in their dancing light.

"In the old days, long ago, you would tell me." Cirdan pressed. "You are brooding, My Lord, and my instincts tell me it is not over our current campaign that your thoughts lie."

Gil-Galad shook his head, "No, the alliance goes well if not longer than anyone would have guessed. I am pleased also to have some time away from the front lines. Years of fighting are too much for any one elf to bear, even a King."

Silence hung between the two friends for several minutes. Cirdan was afraid to push his friend into speaking and Gil-Galad was summoning the will to say what was on his mind.

Finally, words broke the air, "I have made a mistake, Cirdan. One even I am not sure how to make amends for."

"Tell me, perhaps together we can find a way of overcoming it."

The King laughed quietly, "There is no overcoming this I must find a way to accept it. It must be accepted as reality."

Kneeling in front of his King, Cirdan took his dear friend's hand and whispered to him, "Tell me and get this off your chest."

"I met a woman. A very beautiful woman and I fell in love with her."

Confusion came over Cirdan's face, "Is that what you are so upset about? My Lord, this should be good news. The people have waited for you to find one with whom you could be happy."

Gil-Galad shook his head, "You do not understand. We are in the middle of a great conflict, a struggle unlike any other recorded in the history of the world. For many years has it gone on with no end in sight and she has told me," his voice broke off. Swallowing he continued, "She has told me that she is with child."

"What?" Cirdan questioned.

"She is pregnant and will give birth within a few short months. This child is mine, Cirdan, and this heir to my throne shall be born out of wedlock." He lowered his voice, "A bastard. The people will never accept the child and if it's male, they would never believe that this is their prince and one to whom they should bow."

The full implications of what his friend had said sunk slowly into Cirdan's mind. A child of an unknown she-elf and an infatuated king, not exactly the pure royal line of tradition, even riskier with the chances of the King being slain as high as they were in these troubled times.

"What will you do?"

"I do not know." Gil-Galad replied, "Above all, this is a child. A new person with its own life to live. It should not have to pay for my mistakes. If I bring it forward what will happen to it?" The King pondered more, "But we are at war and should I fall the line would be broken if this child were to remain in the shadows."

"Tell me her name so I might carry the secret should something ill befall you. This knowledge should not die with you if the unthinkable should happen."

~End Flashback~

"That's when your father told me, Erestor." Cirdan spoke, "He told me about your mother and where she lived. It was only a short time later that your father, the High King, fell in battle. 

Erestor nodded numbly, all elves knew of Gil-Galad, his greatness and the supreme loss felt by all when he died. Sorrow stirred in the Advisor's soul, his coming had brought forth such agony and despair in his father's heart. He knew now for sure that he was an accident and an unwanted one at that. The pain of this spiked through his heart and into his soul.

"Do not be upset, young one. It was after we had returned to the battlefield that a messenger came from a distant, remote land bearing news to the King. I did not know what contents the message held until I held my dearest friend after he had received a fatal blow. It was then that he told me of your birth." Cirdan couldn't help but smile. "He told me with his last breaths that a son had been born and given the beautiful and regal name Erestor. He asked me to watch over you. After all his apprehension he was proud to have a son to carry on. "

The elder elf reached into his pocket, "He gave me this and bid me to give it to you when you were ready." He extended his hand and opened it revealing a beautiful ring in his hand.

"This is Narya, the great ring of Fire. Given to Gil-Galad who gave it to me and I, in turn, gave to Gandalf. I give it back to you for you have the blood of kings running in your veins. It is rightfully yours."

Cirdan opened Erestor's hand, placed the ring in his grasp and shut his fingers around it. 

"This is your charge, your responsibility. For too long have you been denied and hidden from your birthright, now you must take it with both hands open."

The beauty of the ring called out to Erestor. It almost seemed as if a piece of him was slowly being returned. 

But the largest question haunting the dark elf had yet to be answered.

"Tell me what happened to my mother." Erestor asked.

Cirdan lowered his gaze, "I will tell you, My Lord." Erestor blinked, he had lived his whole life serving lords, never once did he desire to be named a lord himself. It reminded him of the complete uncertainty of his future now that the facts were coming to light.

~Begin Flashback~

Cirdan tried to ride with confidence into the secluded village. Here the she-elf with her young child lived in a small house on the edge of town. Cirdan had assumed the reins of leadership not too long ago; he wanted to ignore this situation, yet the pull to bring him here was very strong indeed. He had to speak with this woman, had to know her intentions for herself and her small child. The child, Erestor, would be quite tiny yet, just beginning to express himself, and he doubted she would want to bring him into the great halls now, but what of the future. Even the most powerful could not slow time or put a halt to the child's growing up. What would happen once this youngling reached majority?

Coming upon the place that Gil-Galad has described in his nightlong confession, Cirdan dismounted and pulled his cloak up tighter. He worked hard to keep his face hidden from any and all prying eyes. The last thing he needed in this tender moment was for some elf to wonder why their new Lord would come to the house of a quiet elf woman. Cirdan knew by instinct that the dead King had kept his coming here secret. 

He walked slowly to the door and knocked; waiting to come face to face with the only other who knew the bloodline in the child that lived here. 

Someone did open the door and to his surprise it was someone he recognized. A servant who was trusted by Gil-Galad, the King must have sent her here because she was trustworthy and would care for his child. 

"I was wondering when I would see your face, Lord Cirdan." She spoke with confidence. "You have come to see the child?"

"Yes." He confirmed, "I would first like to speak with his mother."

"Follow me." She led him into the house and to a confrontation that would change the future of one and the fate of another.


	6. Chapter 6 Finale

A/N: Forgive the long delay. The last couple weeks have been insane and I could not find the peace of mind needed to write. I hope you have enjoyed this story and with any luck I will have a new one coming shortly. 

Chapter Six: Finale

The small room in which he waited was warm and cozy with soft colors and many healthy plants. So, this was where his friend and king had snuck away to on many occasions. Perhaps he thought he had really found love, or perhaps it was merely a means of distraction from the heavy burdens of his office; whatever the reason, he felt as if he did not know his friend as closely as he originally thought. 

Finally, he felt a presence join his in the sitting room. He turned and was struck by the beautiful elf that stood in the doorway. Her deep eyes looked sat him with wariness. Thoughts came into his mind, this woman had power over him as none other ever could. She could strike him down from the highest level he had only too recently obtained back to the level of a servant. Only this time his master would not be his dearest and most trusted friend, but a small child who could not understand his position or even situation in the world right now.

"I knew you would come, Cirdan." She said with confidence and the Lord was taken aback. So sure was she of her power over him that she did not even address him as a lord but as someone on equal footing with her who was a maid of no title or consequence in the great scheme of things. Until recently, that is.

He decided not to mention her oversight and only returned her gaze with no emotion in his voice, "You've been expecting me?"

She closed the gap with him, in order to better she if there was fear behind his eyes, "I know Gil-Galad, he would have told someone of my son's existence, especially in these times of war. When I learned of his death I knew it would only be a matter of time before someone came to my door seeking the truth and a glimpse of the new king."

Cirdan did not like her, arrogance rolled off of her in waves. It was possible she only saw her son as her ticket out of her poor small house into a beautiful palace and servants to see to her every need. "You are very confident. There is no proof that your son is indeed the son of a king. What would you say if one doubted your claim?"

"I would say that a person need only look at my son to know his heritage." Smirking she turned her back on him to pour herself a small of wine.

Silence filled the room for many moments while each one tried to assess the other.

Finally, Cirdan spoke, "So, you will bring this child to the royal court. You will raise up one that cannot even read and write and declare him the new ruler."

"Not right now, Cirdan, but soon. He will be king for he was destined for greatness and if you cannot see that then you are blind. It was the will of the Valar that Gil-Galad leave behind an heir, even illegitimate. I will see to it that all bow before him, even you." She stared him down, "My only thoughts are for my son. I will do all in my power to see that he is recognized."

The new Lord began to lose him mind, he would rule now but it would only be a matter of time before this woman would come forward to remove him. It was true, she held all the power over him that could even be had. 

He could not let this be his fate! He had worked for so hard. Gil-Galad's death was tragic but it had finally opened a door he thought was shut to him forever. 

"What if your son does not wish that fate?"

"I will teach him of his future long before he takes your place. He will never question it."

"Is there nothing I can do to change your decision?" He asked

~end flashback~

Erestor listened numbly to his story. The few memories he had of his mother were warm, but Cirdan made it seem that his mother was vindictive. Was this how she truly was to others? There would be no way of even knowing.

"It was then I took the knife from under my cloak. I slit her thought so quickly she did not even have time to scream. I watched her blood mix with the wine she had held and could not believe what I had done." He confessed, "It was only a short time later that I went to you, Erestor, and took you from that house. Who you were always stayed with me. Your eyes, the eyes of a king, were always staring at me with such innocence yet such power."

"So you sought to exile me."

"Yes." Cirdan said. "When my guilt got the better of me I returned to where I had left you only to be told a child had been killed. I thought it was you, so I did not search any longer. Guilt forever plagued me for what I had done. All I wished for was a way to undo my terrible wrong. Now I finally have a way."

Cirdan went to his knees before Erestor and from his pocket, presented the dark elf with a beautiful ring. The stone was as red and a blooming rose. 

"I give to you Narya, the ring of fire. Your father's ring given to me on the slopes of Mount Doom. It was for me to hold in safekeeping. I was to deliver it to you, but I betrayed you and kept it. After I had killed your mother and I thought you dead, the only thing I saw in its light was the red blood I had spilt. I could not bear to look at it any longer so I gave it to Mithrandir."  Cirdan took Erestor's hand and placed the ring on his finger, "On my journey here the white wizard stopped me in my path and gave it back to me. It is now back to where it belongs, with the High-King once more."

Erestor's throat dried up and he could not speak, the weight of the ring seemed to bring him down.

"This is your responsibility and no one else's. The elves that remain here are scattered. We need a leader to show us the way into the next stage of our race. You are the only one who can do this, the blood of greatness runs throughout you. Wield it as none other can and guide elvendom into its future."

The newest Lord shook his head, "This will be the end of my freedom. I can no longer choose my path, it is laid before me."

"That is true," Cirdan said, "leadership brings with it great responsibility. I know you will make the right choice."

The shipwright stood and bowed deeply to Erestor before departing, leaving the King to stare at his father's ring. Everything he knew was taken from him in only a matter of minutes. The future would never be again as it once was. With all hope, he could yet hold onto a small part of the Advisor. 

He had found the answers he had so desperately sought for all his life, now he wondered whether he was happier before they were ever revealed to him. 

For some the future closes doors

For others it lets you choose

But no matter what you do

To Thine own self be true

~Fin

I thank you from the bottom of my heart.


End file.
